Zero Wiffleball Wednesday Players Named in Mitchell's Report

Provo - In a report released today by former Senate Majority Leader George Mitchell, none of the names included the Wiffleball Wednesday players. The Mitchell report exposes many of baseball's top names having a relation with performance enhancing drugs, either taking them or at least buying them. The report includes names of 31 former All-Stars and members from every team in baseball, except for Wiffleball Wednesday.
"A lot of those names don't really come as a surprise to me," said Bradshaw. "But I really am skeptical about a few of the players around here," he continued. "I mean, come on, look at Caitlin! When have you seen a girl hit with the power she does! She comes out of nowhere and is taking over the stat board! Hmm...I wonder what she is doing Friday night, excuse me," he said walking away.
Caitlin Jenne, former Miss Homecoming Queen Montana, played in her second game on Wednesday night. She has started her reign of terror with an .800 batting average and a 1.200 slugging percentage. Jenne missed the first part of the season due to an internship in Salt Lake, but is looking forward to be playing in more games. "I just love Wiffleball Wednesday, it's like the greatest thing ever!" she said.

"I'm relieved that none of our players were on that list. I'm proud of everyone," Emmett said.

With new people showing up every week, Wiffleball Wednesday will need to devise a way to keep the league clean. Several thoughts have been thrown around, including having a D.A.R.E. officer give a pre-game speech on the dangers of performance enhancing drugs.
"I don't think we need to go that far," Emmett said. "But I won't deny the idea has been discussed."

Wednesday's game saw the debut of two new players to the league, Aroc Wright and Jasmin Hammer. Both hit .667 and helped produce runs for their teams. The two players appear to be clean however, and were welcomed by the league to continue playing in future games.

Aroc Wright with some lady friends

Jasmin Hammer, relaxing before the game

Week 5 Stats

AVG.
1. Caitlin Jenne - .875
2. Chris Bradshaw - .833
3. Brian Emmett - .714

HR
1. Aroc Wright - 2
2. Keith Fairbank, Ryan Johnson, Chris Bradshaw - 1

1B
1. Caitlin Jenne - 7
2. Jasmin Hammer - 5
3. Brian Emmett, Keith Fairbank - 3

RBI
1. Caitlin Jenne - 7
2. Brian Emmett - 5
3. Ryan Johnson, Chris Bradshaw - 4

Bradshaw Slugs His Way to First Win

Provo - Chris Bradshaw doffed his hat to the crowd after the game on Wednesday and he had every right. He slugged an unbelievable 3.000 Wednesday night at Edgemont stadium. This percentage means he averaged a triple for every at-bat he had on Wednesday. This average was fueled by Bradshaw's five home runs, 4 of which came consecutively.
"I didn't want to give up. We were down by 10 runs early so I decided I needed to step it up," he said. Bradshaw's team fell early, due to the fierce pitching by Watkins on the other side. Watkins started off the game with a two inning shut out but feeling bad for the other team, allowed Johnson to pitch in the third inning.

"When I saw Johnson come in, yes, I did feel a little relieved," Emmett said. "I still didn't really want to swing the bat though," he added. Emmett took the opposite approach of Bradshaw and recorded 5 walks on the evening. "Hey, down by that many runs, we needed base runners. My job was to get on base and let Bradshaw hit me in...And it worked." Emmett has never lost on a Wednesday night.

The game on Wednesday saw two player debuts. Dave Watkins, a legitimate ball player, came in and showed the guys how to pitch as well as how to hit. "Playing with these guys reminds me of when I have foot races with my little cousins. I have to go at their speed or else they'll start to cry." Deanna Lunt also made her debut and showed everyone the "tomahawk" one-hand approach. She took some extra BP after the game and is hoping to do better next week.

"It feels good to get that first win under the belt," Bradshaw said. "You better keep your eye on me." Bradshaw was assisted by another rookie, Caitlin Jenne, who hit two home runs in the game before having to leave early.

Week 4 Stats

Avg.
1. Ryan Johnson - 1.000
2. Chris Bradshaw - 8.57
3. Dave Watkins - 8.00

HR
1. Chris Bradshaw - 5
2. Caitlin Jenne - 2
3. Catherine Papworth - 1

RBI
1. Chris Bradshaw - 13
2. Brady Bowen - 5
2. Ryan Johnson - 5

Runs
1. Brian Emmett - 6
1. Chris Bradshaw - 6
3. Dave Watkins - 5
3. Paul Ricks - 5

BB
1. Brian Emmett - 5
2. Ryan Johnson - 3
3. Paul Ricks - 2

SLG.
1. Chris Bradshaw - 3.000
2. Ryan Johnson - 1.714
3. Brian Emmett - 1.667

Welcome Back Ry-Rod

Provo - After starting the season with mediocre results, Ryan Johnson, who goes by the wiffle ball name of "Ry-Rod", had a break out game and lead his team to a 17-14 victory on Wednesday night at Edgemont Stadium. He hit 7 of 8 with one walk, two of those hits being home runs. "I ate a lot of turkey!" Johnson exclaimed after hitting his second home run of the night.
The highlight for Ry-Rod came after his fiancee hit a solo shot right after one of his home run, making it back to back home runs for the team.
"It was the Angel's shirt. I did it for Vlady," Bekah said. She went on to have three more hits during the game.

Ry-rod is the first player to hit for the cycle since Emmett did it back in the season opener. There could have been a little controversy as it appeared Ry-Rod missed first base by a foot or two on his way to a triple. "Hey, you snooze, you lose," he said in reference to the other teams neglect to watch his base running. "And when you are up against me, you lose BIG."

Ry-Rod had help from teammates Ricks, Emmett, and Donkin. Ricks is another that had a break out game hitting 5 of 6 and drawing two walks, as he also pitched a couple of stellar innings.
"Wheewwww! Yeeaaaaa! That's what I'm talking about baby, yaaa!" Ricks exclaimed when asked about the game.
Emmett, looking more and more like a power hitter each game, did not hit for his average but was able to drive in five runs on two homers. He would add a double and a pair of walks to end 3 for 6 on the night.

The game was preceded by Fairbank's weekly gathering of friends to drink some ginger ale and eat some cheese and crackers.
A new edition this week was the dill dipping sauce.
"That sauce is so dank bro," Bradshaw said with a mouthful. This week's party almost got out of hand when several of the players gathered around the piano to sing Christmas songs.
"You'll notice I'm not in the picture," Bradshaw continued, trying his best to protect his manhood. "I'm a wiffleball player!"

Yes you are Bradshaw, now leading in batting average and continuing your dominance in the long ball.

Play to Resume Tomorrow

Provo - Following a week of stomach stuffing and family fun, wiffleball players will be back in action tomorrow night at Edgemont stadium. No game was held last week due to the Thanksgiving holiday.

"I'm ready to get my wiffle on!" Bradshaw actually said in a text message to wiffleball mate Brian Emmett. "This is the week I break away in the Homerun chase. I can't let those guys catch me," Bradshaw later went on to say. He is feeling strong after spending a week riding waves on his belly.

Emmett spent his week in a similar fashion, except he enjoys standing up while riding his waves.
He also enjoys looking good in a wet suit.
"I am able to clear my head when I'm out there. It's just me and the ocean...and a bunch of other dudes I guess. But you know what I'm trying to say." Emmett said. However, Emmett did spend the second half of the week in bed. "Ya, we're not sure what it was, but some of us in the Emmett home got sick. I just couldn't keep that turkey down!" Being one of the few people in the United States that actually lost weight over the weekend, Emmett isn't nervous about losing any strength. "I'll be ready for Wednesday, you can count on that."

Fairbank and Jaynes took the opposite approach on the bye week and used their time to clean the house. They even went as far as to clean Emmett's and Ry-Rod's bathroom. "Someone's gotta do it!" joked Fairbank.

Johnson & Wittig-Johnson spent the week with family in the warm Las Vegas valley. They got in a little batting practice to keep sharp but spent most of the time with "wedding stuff". Bekah spent one of the afternoons having her "older women bridal shower". "Kitchen stuff...kitchen stuff!" Ryan said shaking his head in disbelief. Ryan is hoping to get some "better" stuff when Bekah has her bridal shower this saturday but with her close girl friends, with the theme of "wedding night".

Donkin spent the week in Provo, hanging out her boyfriend's house while he was in California. "Ya, the week was major bust," she said, sounding more and more like her boyfriend each day.

It should be interesting to see how it turns out tomorrow night.

Ryan Is Sad That There's No Wiffleball This Wednesday

Wish we had a game this week!

Fairbank Pitches Team to Victory

Provo - Edgemont Stadium produced yet another great night of Wiffleball Wednesday as Keith Fairbank pitched his team to a 7 to 4 victory. Keith credits his teammates; Jackie Donkin, Brian Emmett, Dave Jaynes, and Paul Ricks to the impressive win over rivals Brady Bowen, Chris Bradshaw, Ryan Johnson, and Rebekah Wittig.


"It wouldn't be classy if I didn't give my teammates the appropriate respect that they deserve, and we all know that I am a classy guy" Fairbank stated after the game, while sipping on some ginger ale. He was referring to the phenomenal defense his teammates gave him throughout the game. "If Emmett hadn't have robbed Ry-Rod of those two homers, it would have been a different story."

"Ryan is a great ball player and he hit those pretty well. I was just in the right place at the right time to rob him of those homers," Emmett said. The first one came in the first inning when Ryan hit what would have been a single shot but Emmett caught jumping back into the home run curtain. He later went on to say, "well, I don't think it hurt mostly because of the adrenaline that was running through my blood, having caught that ball."

The second one came 3 bats later for Johnson when Emmett caught a smoking line drive that was destined to be a 2 run shot. "Most people were probably thinking, 'wow! How did he catch that!? He's amazing!' but not me, I was hoping to get Brady out at first who had started to go to second. Just trying to play the best wiffleball that I can. I can't sit there thinking about how amazing I am."

The team also got solid play from Donkin and Jaynes, both playing in their first regular season game. Jaynes did his job of getting on base and producing runs for the team. He hit a home run off of Bradshaw on this third at bat and later drew two walks. "I was so happy for Dave when he hit that home run, so happy that I wanted to kiss him," Fairbank told reporters later. "I would have but I didn't want to be the first one to touch those lips, if you know what I mean."


Donkin recorded her first RBI for the season off a single that drove in teammate and friend, Paul Ricks. Paul returned the favor by driving in Jackie at his next at bat when he was walked by Bradshaw with the bases loaded. Bradshaw would go on to finish the inning after giving up one more run on a hit by Emmett but would not come back in the next inning, putting him at 0-2 for the season.

With the Thanksgiving holdiay next week, Wiffleball Wednesday will not be played until the week after the face stuffing holiday. Johnson, who has started the season in a disappointing fashion has stated that "the break will be good because it will give me time to clear my head. Plus, Thanksgiving is the best anyways!"

Week 2 Stats

Batting Avg.
1. Chris Bradshaw - .714
2. Brian Emmett - .667
2. Dave Jaynes - .667

HR
1. Brian Emmett - 2
2. Chris Bradshaw - 1
2. Dave Jaynes - 1

RBI
1. Brian Emmett - 4
2. Christ Bradshaw - 2
3. six tied with 1

2B
1. Rebekah "soon to be Johnson" Wittig - 2
2. Ryan Johnson - 1
2. Brady Bowen - 1
2. Chris Bradshaw - 1

BB
1. Dave Jaynes - 2
2. Paul Ricks - 1
2. Brady Bowen - 1
2. Brian Emmett - 1
2. Ryan Johnson - 1

SLG.
1.Brian Emmett - 1.667
1. Dave Jaynes - 1.667
3. Chris Bradshaw - 1.286

Ryan Disappoints Again

After coming into the season with high hopes, Ry-Rod stunk it up for the second straight week and now has the lowest batting average in the league. In week 2, in the bottom of the last inning, his team down by one with a man on, Ryan once again was a let down as he struck out to end the game. "I just suck" is all that Ryan can say about his recent slump. Hopefully the fat turkey from thanksgiving will help him muscle his way out of the lowly dungeons of the league stats.

Brian to Play in Tomorrow Night's Game

Provo - It was announced Tuesday morning that Brian will be in the line up for the game on Wednesday night. Brian has been listed as day to day and is now coming off the DL since being placed there last Thursday night after Brian hurt his knee when he fell in a booby trap in the grass just outside of the condo's at Glenwood. He was walking hand in hand with his girlfriend at the time his right foot went right into the hole."Jackie and I had just crossed University Parkway when we cut through the grass to get to Bradshaw's car in the parking lot," Brian stated. When asked what his initial thoughts were once falling into the hole, he replied, "Where the heck did that come from! And then I realized I was hurt."

It wasn't the hole that got Brian, but it was the metal pole coming out of the ground that got him. His right knee landed directly on the metal and caused Brian to roll over in pain. To make things worse, his friend, Chris Bradshaw, began to laugh in Brian's face.

"Haha, are you serious, haha," Bradshaw said when he saw Brian on the ground. He then realized by the pain on Brian's face that he wasn't joking. Bradshaw was reported later to say that, "You never know with Brian. It seems like he's joking all of the time. The kid just makes me laugh."

Tomorrow night's game will be the 2nd game of the regular season. Brian is coming off a great first game in which he hit .778 and recorded 13 hits in a row.

"I'm going to play tomorrow because I love the game, that's it. People are talking batting title already, ya know. I mean, come on, we've only played one game so far. I'm here because I love the sport, not because I want to win batting titles," stated Brian at the press conference.

Tuesday morning's announcement caught many BYU students by surprise because it came in the middle of BYU's weekly devotionaly, this week being President Monson.

"I'm not trying to upstage President Monson by any means. I just felt that Tuesday morning at 11:05 would be a great time to tell my fans that I'll be there tomorrow night."

Week 1 Stats

Batting Avg.
1. Brian Emmett - .778
2. Chris Bradshaw - .700
3. Keith Fairbank - .611

HRs
1. Chris Bradshaw - 7
2. Brian Emmett - 3
2. Keith Fairbank - 3
2. Ryan Johnson - 3

RBI's
1. Chris Bradshaw - 14
2. Ryan Johnson - 11
3. Brian Emmett - 8

Runs
1. Brian Emmett - 11
2. Chris Bradshaw - 8
2. Keith Fairbank - 8

2B's
1. Brian Emmett - 5
2. Chris Bradshaw - 1
3. Rebekah Wittig - 1

Edgemont Staduim

Jackie, Keith, and Brian, the winning team from the first game ever at the Edgemont Stadium. Keith hit a walk off homer. What a stud!

Bekah, Ryan, and Bradshaw put up a good fight but they just couldn't hold their lead. Losers!

Chris "Peavy" Bradshaw

That is right. The Edgemont Stadium is actually a mini church gym turned into a perfect wiffleball stadium! Ever since our first game (pictures above) we have enjoyed our weekly, and often times more than that, wiffleball games. We gather every Wednesday night, hence the title, and play some good, competitive, fun, and exciting wiffleball.

We started out playing team pitch but it got way too easy so we switched to fast pitch. This became way too tough so we have now switched to "medium speed" pitch. You can't throw it as hard as possible because it becomes near impossible, especially with Bradshaw on the mound. We fill that this will work out. If you hit the curtain dividing the gym with the chapel, it counts as a home run! That is the most exciting event at Edgemont Stadium!

If you feel like you have what it takes to have some fun, come on over and play some wiffleball with us, you won't regret it!